The media loves to sensationalize every single thing that might cut your life short at a moments notice. Over the past few years they’ve run the entire gamut. Off the top of my head there is MSRA (staph infection), bird flu, West Nile virus, terrorism, (normal) flu, Africanized bees, pit bulls, overgrown snakes, and SARS.

So lets take a look at the list -

MSRA – MSNBC ran a piece of schlock detailing how your pets could pass the a staph infection to you. This is exactly what we need, millions of geriatrics living in fear of their lap dogs and armies of cats. I can see it now, millions of old people across America are screaming at Fluffy to get away from them. Blue haired and bald people will grab their walkers and canes and rush out the door without remembering to put their teeth in. Old and unable to see over the wheel they take out 3 cars on the way to the pharmacy. Once inside they yell at the top of their lungs for all of the disinfectant, breathing masks, and latex gloves they can find. They aren’t yelling because they need help – they’re yelling because their hearing aids have long since working. The other alternative is that they are yelling because the volume is cranked so high the unit is causing feedback on itself – the poor attendant can only try to understand them as he grits his teeth from the high pitch squelch.

Bird flu – Despite the days spent covering this story only a handful of people have actually contracted this illness. The only one that sticks to the top of my mind is that of a young girl who contracted the disease IN 2006 and later died. It later came out that she was so sad about the death of her favorite chicken that she drug the dead body around and would kiss it. Its no wonder she got the disease – she had no concept of how diseases travel – she couldn’t have known. Her parents should have but not all of us live in a 1st world country – well, we can’t call all of the US a first world country. Trailer parks exist in the southern US (think Florida) where inbreeding and stupidity have risen to epic levels. Three legged troglodyte children run around and eat whatever vermin they can find while yelling that the south will rise again – this rhetoric has been pounded into their heads by the overweight, heavily tattooed, parents who live solely on welfare because the “mexicans” are stealing their jobs.

West Nile virus Human infection is quite rare – in fact the odds of you even catching this disease in 2005 was 1/72,000. The mortality rate was far less – 1/1,724,000. I really done think we have anything to worry about here.

Terrorism – we could go on for DAYS about this one. As Bush says – something something something “or the terrorists will win”. It really doesn’t matter what comes first – it could be something as mundane as “you need to brush your teeth twice a day or the terrorists will win.” It really doesn’t matter – unless you are on patrols in Iraq the odds of the average American dying from a terrorist attack is infinitesimally small. Well, its not really that small but there hasn’t been a major terrorist attack in the US since 9/11 – the odds get smaller with each passing year.

The Flu – Every year millions of young and old are warned about the shortage of the flu vaccine. Every year people flip the hell out. You will probably be fine unless you have an abnormally weak immune system. If the medical system in your country would be ill equipped for an outbreak – say like China – they may shut down your schools if a few children become ill. Yes, the flu is bad this year but its BAD EVERY YEAR!

Africanized bees – this one is seldom talked about because there are very few cases. There was a case in the past week where a mans dog was stung to death. I have a feeling the dog got too close to the bee hive and caused them to react defensively. People shouldn’t go running around in abject terror whenever they see a bee. I’m sure there is someone that put plastic tape over all of their doors and windows when they heard about this threat. I also have a feeling that this person defecates into glass jars and keeps them in their house cuz, ya know, you just might need that jar of urine.

Pit bulls – People train dogs to be aggressive – this breed, in particular, has an extremely strong bite, large size, and is owned by idiots that treat their dogs like hell (Michael Vick?). Any dog can be aggressive – the most aggressive dog also happens to be one of the smallest. Yes, its yo quiero time – the chihuahua.

Overgrown snakes – Jessica can skip this paragraph – I’ve seen quite a few stories about how large snakes are eating household pets in the southern United States. Yippie dogs and cats are the prime targets – meh – let the snakes eat them. It could be that we are destroying their habitat and their food chain forcing them to move. Alternatively, pets could be a far easier prey that have few ingrained fight or flight characteristics and are far better targets. I don’t think we have anything to worry about – unless we get on a plane because there might just be snakes on that plane… yep… snakes on a plane.

SARS – SARS goes hand in hand with the flu – don’t spend your nights treading the carpet bare while worrying about contracting this version of the flu virus. The mortality rate is high – but – a flu epedemic is bound to happen once in a while. Further scientific research will allow us to counter each strain – of course – the SUPERBUG is still out there – we can’t stop that one.

*runs off to build a clean room*

Why would the media make such a big deal out of this stuff? They’ve got 24 hours of programming to fill – and you can only have so many public interest stories… wait… never mind.

You can split it 80/10/9/1
80% sensationalization
10% over analysis
9% public interest
1% real honest to god news