Frustration

At the end of a deployment the will of the masses dwindles and more mistakes are made. I have been a scapegoat as of late so I am trying to stay out of everything. I’m sure that in a day or two I’ll be blamed for not being a scapegoat because somebody else did something wrong and it wasn’t me. It really doesn’t matter – I just want to get out of here. I only have a problem with one or two people on my shift and its not a personality conflict but a conflict of interest. I have lots of problems with the people on day shift because they are gunning for me. When you’re in charge of the overwhelming majority of operations (80-90%) most of the mistakes – although minor – happen when you’re in charge. I’m not even sure if mistakes are being made but they’re blaming me. I don’t like to make mistakes and I take it personal – so – I’ve been quite paranoid as of late. I don’t even talk to ANYONE on day shift for fear of spawning further hate and scapegoatism -

This paranoia takes a lot out of me and I haven’t been sleeping well – hopefully it will pass – or maybe I’ll just go home.

Fuck ‘em I say. Let them be assholes – I just won’t deal with them anymore.